Idiot
by Curlscat
Summary: Set somewhere shortly after volume 15, since that's all I've read so far. Al talks some sense into Ed again.


**AN~ My first ever FMA fic. It's probably not too good. Tell me how to improve!**

**Disclaimer: They are my babies but I don't own them.**

* * *

Al stares at the stack of papers he's just uncovered, trembling with rage.

The thing that gets him is that he's always known his brother was capable of _stupid_ levels of self-sacrifice. And it's not even wholly his ever-so-frustrating and unnecessary guilt complex. Al can still remember Ed pushing him and Winry into the mud (he'd been _so mad_ until he saw that bull trampling down on the place they'd just been. He still didn't where the thing had come from) and getting his own leg broken in the process.

And there have been countless other instances, usually for someone Ed cares about, but sometimes for complete strangers. Normally it only goes as far as Ed getting himself beaten up. Sometimes, though...

_"Am I the only one you're trying to kill today, or are you going after Al, too?"_

The words ring through Al's memory, followed by Scar's answer, and, finally, Ed's:

_"Okay. In that case I want your word- promise me you won't hurt my brother!"_

_And Al is sitting there, unable to move, helpless as the full realization hits him: Ed is just going to give up and die, because he knows Al _can't_ interfere and get himself hurt; because he knows Al will be safe afterwards (safe? A broken suit of armor that only Ed can repair? Hollow forever? He doesn't think he can finish this without Ed- he's never even translated his brother's stupid _notes_), because he knows doing this will give Al a little bit longer on the planet and it'll stop him from feeling so useless._

So really, he should have been more aware that when it looked like they were getting nowhere for too long, Ed would do something like this.

Honestly, though! You'd think he'd have knocked some sense into his brother by now! This isn't like it's even the first time Ed's thought about sacrificing himself to get Al back to normal because he apparently can't get it through his amazingly thick skull that _Al doesn't want his body back if it means losing his brother. Al doesn't want his body back if it means losing __ANYBODY._ But especially not Ed. They're the only family they have left.

He sighs. It's time to go beat some sense into his big brother- again.

* * *

When Ed wakes up to a sharp pain in his head, he's reminded why people always complain when he hits them with his right hand (and Al's not even solid- Ed's got Winry only knows how many gears and wires and things adding inertia to his arm).

"What was that for?" he complains, rubbing his head and glaring at the suit of armor that is his brother.

"Care to explain _this_?" Al asks, shoving a stack of papers into Ed's face. His voice is angrier than Ed's heard in a while.

When he sees the papers, he understands. They're his notes from yesterday, his very, very desperate notes with a familiar and intricate transmutation circle taking up the center of them (yesterday was not a good day). He didn't bother to hide them from Al because he was too tired (a pang rushes through him- Al can't sleep, Al doesn't get tired, Al spends all his nights alone in the dark just waiting for Ed to wake up and it's his fault and he has to fix it; he'll do anything to fix it).

He decides to try brushing it off. "It's no big deal, Al, I was just reviewing it, to see if there was something we missed that could help."

And the lie might work, too, unless Al's found-

Ed winces as Al pulls another page forward. He found it.

The page Al shoves in his face now is a bunch of scribbled ideas about what would make a good enough trade for Al's body. He'd be willing to offer almost anything, really, but he does know how much it would hurt Al (Al, who can't even believe that Ed would give up something so replaceable as an _arm_ for his _soul_) if Ed did something like give the Truth his own body or life or something for his brother (which is why the list includes some really ridiculous ideas like 'offer Mustang?- nah, he's probably not important enough to me').

And then the next page comes forward. This one is even more incriminating- it's a list of ideas to get Al to agree to standing in the middle of the circle (this one ranges from such brilliant ideas as '"stand here, Al, with this blindfold on- it's a birthday surprise!"' to "if I break him to pieces he _can't_ stop me." Ed can't believe he considered that one- he wants to make Al _happy_ with this).

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Al demands.

To be honest, Ed doesn't have an explanation. At least not one Al wants to hear.

All he has is, "I wasn't actually going to go through with it," which seems feeble even as he knows it's true.

"Really?" Al asks, voice skeptical.

Ed rolls his eyes. "Come on, Al," he says, "Look at my notes. I _couldn't_ do it- none of my ideas would have worked."

Al considers this for a moment, then relents the tiniest bit. Ed can tell he's still very angry, though. He's been around Al's suit of armor long enough to know what a tilt of the head means, or standing taller instead of that infinitesimal crouch (Al's as self-conscious about his height as Ed is, and they both know it, though neither of them will talk about it), and Al's body language is screaming that Ed is nowhere near out of the woods yet (and he shouldn't be- after all, how many people could tell what Al is feeling now? The guy's got no face, and it's taken Ed years of spending nearly all his time with his brother to learn to read this suit of armor, and he can't even imagine what it feels like to not be able to emote clearly and if he hadn't dragged Al into this his brother would still be fine; it was his idea, he kept pushing for it, even if Al was pretty willing he'd never have gone through with it if Ed hadn't started things, it's _all. His. Fault._)

"Why, brother?" Al asks. "I thought we were done with this."

Ed doesn't know how to say that he's pretty sure they'll never be done with it. That this stupid array follows him around; haunts his dreams; whispers dark reminders into his head of how bad he screwed up, every time he looks at his brother or takes a step or has to write something with his left hand.

He has to try to explain, though, so he says, "I was just... thinking. About how I'd do it, if I were going to. It gets hard sometimes, watching you, knowing I can't fix it. And I get desperate."

"Would you have done it?" Al asks. "If you could figure out a way?"

Ed thinks this over. The honest answer is that yes, of course, he'd do it in a heartbeat if he knew it wouldn't tear Al up inside. But this isn't the answer his brother wants, so he says, "I'm not sure. I've thought about it a lot, but I've never actually gone through with it." Because the other truth is that _the_ Truth scares him. And he may react by getting angry at it, but he's not sure he could handle going back there on his own. He's too afraid of what the gate would take from him this time around.

"I want you to promise me you won't," Al says.

Ed looks at his brother in surprise, but he doesn't say anything.

"And it has to be a real promise," Al adds. "One you're going to keep. Promise you'll stop this. It's... just don't."

Ed wonders what Al was going to say, but he nods reluctantly. He can tell his brother isn't going to back down on this. "I promise," he says.

For Al, this is the end of it, and though the suit of armor gives its brother a long, contemplative look, he says nothing more. For Ed, though, this just adds to his guilt. Because Ed feels relieved. He's happy he's got an excuse now, a reason to stay out of that blank space. And this realization makes him feel like scum.

Al is walking off when Ed finally pulls himself together enough to say, "Hey Al?"

Al turns back to look at him. "Huh?"

"Thanks," Ed says, "For keeping me on track."

Ed can't see it, but he can hear the smile in Al's voice as he responds, "Of course. That's what brothers are for."

Neither of them mentions that last time, Al didn't stop him. Neither considers that Al tries extra hard now in order to make sure nothing that bad happens to them again.


End file.
